This journey has been extraordinary. It started from the moment I decided to participate; an eagerness coupled with an awareness of the dieta; to the solo drive to the vaal which was effortless and surreal; to the first impressions of the retreat and its surroundings on the banks of the river; to the water, fire and medicinal ceremonies; to the circle of sharing.. it was truly extraordinary. The Ayahuasca, San Pedro and Hape` experinces were magical. The singing and instruments during the medicine ceremonies were truly other worldly; and the blissful drive home was a fitting end to the weekend. The days following the retreat had its ups and downs, very much like normal life has its ups and downs... but there was something in the background of these ups and downs... it was a knowing borne from the wisdom of Mother Ayahuasca. So behind the challenges of day to day living, up to the 21st day of circle close, the greatest comforting factors were the two important messages I got during the ceremony. One, that I need to take care of ME, so that I could realise or discover myself; and two, that no matter what, all anxiety and frustration on that road to self discovery where to be handled with understanding and love. I need to be patient and trusting of the process, and it will lead me to... ME!! So that is what I take away from this entire experience. It's like I've been given that little pill called "fukitol", which will give me the knowing I desire, without the angst that I have been associating my journey with, previously. My old self has burned in that fire and the new me is slowly rising from the ashes and smoke. I am learning to BE, to live, and to create a new future for me from these ashes. Oh..and another thing...I am finding my voice.. to speak out in situations where I would normally keep quiet.. so that misconceptions can be cleared and my standpoint is known. So I would like to take this opportunity to thank each member of my tribe for traveling this path with me. Your sharing, and your challenges and your fighting spirits were an inspiration. Heartfelt appreciation to yhe facilitators; to Hymnj, for bringing up important realisations; and sincere gratitude to Nathan for the love he exuded even when he was suffering with pain and illness. Thank you all once again, and I wish you all much love in every moment of every day of your lives. And for those in search of something... who don't know... who are stuck or lost... this experience may help you find your way. Haux haux