I went in feeling open and courageous. Ready to face everything that had built up over my heart. On the first ayahuasca journey, I was met with great love and creative energy. Not what I expected. It opened me up... and connected me with my heart and empathy. At the end of the first evening... I felt a sense of ease that allowed me to be myself. The following day... on san pedro, I was met with a similar feeling. Heightened creativity... and an ease of expression. But, what lurked in the background was a chip on my shoulder. So I decided to go deeper into the medicine. Everything was magnified. The feeling of not being good enough. The feeling of pining after others' approval. The feeling of not being man enough. The fear that I am unable to lead myself and to lead others. That sparked off a feeling of existential dread. Like I had no answers. Like I doubted everything I believed. Like I didn't know where to look for stability. Like I needed some sort of saviour. The inability to be anchored and present within myself and with others. These were the burdens that I had been carrying around for a long time. And the San Pedro magnified them, so I was able to see them clearly. I moved onto the ayahuasca medicine after that... still feeling the chip on my shoulder... still feeling a deep sense of motivation to conquer these demons in me. Ayahuasca nurtured me back to a sense of love. A sense of calm and ease. The pain that I faced was an open wound that I had been ignoring. And it was getting infected. San Pedro showed that to me. And Ayahuasca showed how to heal it. I left feeling like I had reconnected with myself. And feeling like I had the key to be able to return to my connection. My relationships improved drastically. My heart felt more at-ease. And I was clear on the wounds within me that I needed to treat. I learnt to be at-ease with pain... and, therefore, to be open to love. Thank you, Nathan and Heinrich... for providing the perfect container for me to be able to take the journey of healing.